25 February 2012

Trike! Bed! Oh, that damned Cream Sauce!

Boddinstraße U-Bahn


Where to begin?  So much is happening!  I finally feel alive!  I have a home again!  I am aware that I make an impact, that folks care about me.  I am getting closer to achieving my goals.  I had an hour long conversation in German!!!  It was slow.  My conversation partner was very patient and had to repeat herself a lot, but when I landed here almost 6 months ago (has it been that long?) I NEVER thought I would be able to say more than a few sentences.  Practicing a language is a little like yoga, where at first you think, "Man, I will NEVER get the hang of this."  But then you just practice over and over again and soon you can touch your toes.  
I'm not making any money right now, but I'm flexing my creative muscles and making connections.  Not only do I perform improv regularly at the Space Station but I have been hired as a performance coach by Trike, a Canadian duo with a very unique sound.  We're all a bunch of broke-ass-artists living on a dream and barely squeaking by, so at the moment, there's no money, but so far Trike has fed me, kept me full of coffee or wine, and given me a pair of free tickets to their show tonight.  I really like working with them on the more theatrical portions of their show.  It feeds something important inside me.  Also, my network of artists is growing and diversifying as I try to figure out exactly where I fit into this crazy city.


Stephen (Trike) and I have a headphones party as I listen to his song and he listens to mine.
 I am moving for the 4th time in 6 months and after this one, I only have one more until I get my permanent home!  I moved a suitcase and my monster army backpack as well as a bag of groceries over to Rubensstraße today.  I take the rest of my things over gradually, the three bags of odds, ends and toiletries I still have at the temporary horror-sublet on Schillerpromenade go tomorrow and I hope to have the rest of my stuff out of Robert's place by the end of next week.  And on Tuesday, I get a BED!  It's a fairly thin and cheap futon, but it is the size of a full bed and it is FREE!  I now get to enlist a few other folks to help my move it via public transit on Tuesday.  Oh, boy, this is going to be interesting!  Maybe I can find someone with a car...

I've been pondering the idea of home and what the hell is it, and I have come up with this simple list of what it takes to make me feel like I have a home:
1) A bed that is large enough for me and one other person
2) Easy access to internet.  Doesn't have to be wireless, but I have to be able to access it from my laptop.
3) A roommate (at least 1) who enjoys sharing meals together occasionally.

And this I will have! I have a very small room with a loft bed for the next 1 or 2 months near Friedenau (there is NOTHING special about this neighborhood.  Boring and quiet and with transit nearby.  Sounds good to me.)  In April or May, we move to Wedding, on the U-8 line, right in between Pankstraße and Osloerstraße U-Bahn.  So cool!  Wedding is a still ungentrified area with a lot of Turkish and Arabic influence, and only 15 or 20 minutes away from Neukölln with public transit.  This area of Wedding was in my top three districts I was hoping to live in in Berlin, and now it's happening.  Woo!

Walking down Weserstraße past Silver Future in Neukölln I found this.  Disturbing really!  Doesn't it look like snow?  Now look at the close-up below


Spring is here early and it's lovely!  I am finally wearing my summer jacket again!  Know longer do I need to wear cotton tights under my pants!  I can't wait for the flowers to start blooming.  I hear the winter was extremely mild, but for my California blood, oh, it was hard!

I have been feeling good lately.  Alive!  So good and alive that I decided to make Robert dinner the other night.  I made pasta with chicken and mushrooms in a cream sauce.  I should have used cream, or sour cream.  But milk was easily at hand, so I used that.  A lot of it.
Um, a word to the wise:  even if you are not lactose intolerant, don't do this unless you want to have serious stomach issues for about 3 days.  Really.  It's still not over, but I'm through the worst of it.  Damn, there is nothing to make one feel vulnerable and helpless in this world like feeling ill in a foreign country.  I have health insurance, but am unsure of how to use it, plus, if I go to the Apotheke, how do I ask for what I need?  I did learn a new word though: Verstopft, as in "Ich bin verstopft."  Look it up.  Then hope it never happens to you.
I'm happy to say that thanks to the natural remedy of good quality (and sort of pricey) apple juice, I am feeling MUCH better. Although now there is the opposite problem.  Hmm.
Enough poop talk.  Here are a few more pictures.  Enjoy!
Neukölln

Neukölln

22 February 2012

Home! And Pizza Sonntag



Along the Canal

 I haven't had internet at home, and it has really interfered with my ability to blog!  I have been living in a place that was probably quite nice at one point; however, everyone is getting evicted on the 29th so a) there is no community feeling anymore and b) there is not much left in the house because the main tenant has moved out.  No internet, broken washing machine, one day the water in the kitchen stopped working (but was fixed), and well, the whole place, it just doesn't feel like anyone's home.  But it's been a place to lay my head, be alone, and cook for the past two weeks.  Honestly though, I have been spending the majority of my time at Robert's. 
All that is about to change
Because
I HAVE A HOME IN BERLIN!  I HAVE A HOME!  I HAVE A HOME!
This is very exciting.  I have not had a home since August.  I can't wait. The first thing I am going to do is attain my own mattress, sheets, blankets and pillows.  At least a full.  I won't feel like it's home until I have a space where Robert can be comfortable with me.  But let's back track for a moment.  How did it all happen?

I had looked at a ton of places and been rejected: because I was dating a man, because I ate meat, because I didn't speak good German.  I saw one place that I thought might be nice, except it was just a tiny bit too clean and orderly.  What to do?  One day I walked around Park Templehof and cried.

Park Templehof Community Garden




Then there was a posting on Genderliste, an email list I am on that has housing, events, etc.  It was from a person named Sedrik who was looking to start their own WG.  I replied.  We agreed to meet at Silver Future on a Saturday afternoon...
And you know how sometimes you just meet someone and you feel, "Yes"?  Well, that was it.  We spoke in English and got along really well.  Sedrik brought up the fact that they were in a poly relationship and I get to tell them about my landlords, Pepper and Jen, and how I thought that polyamory was as natural as anything else, but it wasn't my personal choice.  We talked about relationships and theory and how it's not wrong to want something normative, just wrong when it's a default setting.  And then they said they had a cat.  Sold!  (Oh, how I miss animals.)
So, the only issue was that the WG we would be starting with one other person (whom I have not met yet, but I look forward to meeting) would not be open until April.  Couchsurfing for a month I could handle if I knew there was a nice carrot at the end of all the unsureness.  And then a very nice thing happened!
Sedrik's current flatmate was moving out of their 2 room flat at the end of the month.  I said, "Hey, how about we see how it goes."  They said, "Sounds great!"  The flat I will be in temporarily is in Friedenau, which is sort of out in the sticks, but there is a bus stop directly outside that takes one to the Ringbahn, which gets me to places I need to be.  The WG we will move into in April or May (there is a little question about the actual move-in) is in Wedding on the U-8 line, which takes one to Kreuzberg and Neukölln, my two favorite areas.  It's cutting it pretty close to the wire, but I will have a home to come back to in Berlin in August/September.  (I'll be working at the Randall Museum in San Francisco this Summer.)  There is some annoying stuff going on at my place on Schillerpromenade right now, but it will all be over soon, and I can't wait to have a home with a cool, mellow roommate and a cat!  Keep reading below for a report on Pizza Sonntag!
Schillerpromende

Robert at Hasenheide Park.  If you look back at older blogposts, you will see photos of this exact spot that are lush and green.  Note the absence of snow.  It has been a mild winter.

Hasenheide Park

On Sunday, February 19th I performed at Pizza Sonntag, hosted by the lovely and adorable David Cassel at The Space Station (Solmstraße 12)
Headlining was a fairly incredible clown duo: Gregor Wollney and Janette Flexonette, and some very eccentric musical acts.  Naomi Fearn played the Kalimba and sang a spooky and sad song about how people wear beige when they are preparing to die and also played a great ukulele duo with the host, David Cassel.  Their was Annika Crump, a musician and storyteller who played the theremin (one of my favorite instruments) and the accordian (another favorite) and me!  And I did something onstage that I haven;t done in a year.  I spoke.  And I sang.  It's been about 10 years since I have participated in a poetry slam, but let me tell you, I've still got it!  And I'm about to take Berlin by storm.  Video of the my intimate Pizza Sonntag performance below. Thanks for reading.
David Cassel in action

Annika Crump with Theremin



16 February 2012

An offer, a trade, your name in lights!

Hello lovely readers,

Hard times are upon us, and I am afraid about a few things:

1) That my blog will become nothing more than a list of whining complaints of an American in Berlin
2) That I will run out of money before I get SF this summer
and
3) That you will stop reading.

So, my dear readers, I have an offer for you.  I will be taking assignments!  Is there a question that you have about German culture or life in Berlin that you'd like answered?  Maybe you'd like a personal report of a site here in the capital of Germany that you've read about.  Maybe you are interested in the queer/underground culture here, or you want a profile on the many districts of this city.

For just $10-$20 USD I will write a custom blog entry tailored to your taste!  If interested, you can send your assignment along with your donation by clicking the Paypal DONATE button on this blog!

I look forward to your assignment requests!

15 February 2012

A wobbling reality

Berlin seems to be a topsy-turvy teeter-totter of plentitude and sparsity.  I'm sitting in a Turkisch Backeri with W-LAN around the corner from my temporary home on Schillerpromenade.  My right shoulder is killing me and I don't know why.  Probably a combination of bad posture and stress.  I have cramps and a job interview.  I'm a good actor.  I'll act like I feel fabulous!
I interviewed for two different rooms yesterday.  One in a Housing Project with 17 people.  It was quiet and clean with not too many rules.  I would definitely live there.  Also, it was in Kreuzberg, a neighborhood I adore.  The other was with one other person in Wedding, a neighborhood I am not crazy about.  The woman was sweet, a social worker working in the anti-psychiatry sector.  Here apartment was clean and with character, a romantic red rose motif.  She suffered from agoraphobia and smoked in the kitchen.  I have come to accept that smoking inside is just something I will have to deal with.  I asked her if there was wireless internet.  She said yes but that she didn't like to share her password.  I tried to explain  to her that just because I used her internet signal did not mean I had access to her files.  She really liked me and actually, we got along well, but I will not move in there unless she trusts me enough to give me her password.
Honestly, the place I end up next doesn't really matter in the long-long-term.  I have to be able to live there until June, sublet for 2.5 months, and come back to it.  And then, if I want to, I can look for my dream home. 
The only sure thing in my life right now is that I have improv rehearsal on Thursday nights and an improv show on Friday nights until the beginning of April.  Thank god for this.  Also, after a year-long hiatus from using language onstage and a 10 year hiatus from slam poetry, I have decided it is time to start rocking the Berlin poetry slam scene.  Poetry slam is a relatively new genre in Germany, and there are a few English Language slams.  I've been writing a lot of slam style poems lately, and I have quite a few oldies up my sleeve as well.  I have decided that this will be my performance at Pizza Sonntag on Sunday.  Dammit, there are enough challenges going on in my life right now.  I should allow myself to do what I do well and enjoy a little success. 
Get ready, Berlin, because this lady slam poet is about to take you over!

And just to be clear, even though everything is so, so hard right now, I am still glad I quit the shitty Au Pair job.  And I am so, so thankful for Robert.

13 February 2012

The harsh reality of internet addiction

Here I am, in my new (if temporary) small kitchen with humming refrigerator.  It is nice to have my own life again, to eat oatmeal and drink coffee in a room designed to to especially that.  To not feel like I might be in way, asked to move, alter my activity, babysit at a moments notice.  I woke up alone in my new room and did yoga!  It was the first time in a long time.  This body is creaky!  But I will come back to myself, maybe quicker then anticipated.  Still, I'm not sure what I will perform at Pizza Sonntag on Sunday.  I have 6 days to make something work.  Maybe I will bring back the slam poet or just tell a story.  It's an English speaking crowd.  Why not?

The two things that are not so great about my temporary residence (I've got to find a place by February 29th) are that the washing machine is busted and that there is no internet.  While there is one network that is not password protected that I keep trying to jump on, there is still no internet.  All my bars light up, but no internet.  Now, this really shouldn't be such a big deal.  There are internet cafes, I have a caring partner who is a 15 minute walk away and lets me use his internet.  Really, I should be more upset about the washing machine.

The thing is, I'm not!

I am hooked on facebook
On chat
On email and google
Blogs and pictures of cats being cute
Youtube videos of babies having temper tantrums
Dairy cows with abscesses
And online public transit planners
I need the internet to feel close to you because
I'm all out of English Language books to read
I need the internet because it's winter in Berlin and I want to look at photos of the sun
Burning magma explosions and fire
What about my google translate?
Oy vey?

Last night at around 8 I went out, hunted the street for a nearby bar or cafe with wireless, couldn't find one, didn't feel like going all the way to Silver Future, which is about a 30 minute walk.  So into every open kneipe I went, "Hast du internet?" or, when I remember the correct way to say it, "Habt ihr internet?"  No luck anywhere.  Finally I came home, drank a bottle of Secco with my new roommate, Franchesco who is Italian and very sweet.  He's only lived here for one week.  All of us are in such a temporary state.  There's an owner-move-in eviction happening on March 1st, so everyone is leaving.  The other roommates are a guy from York, England named Tom who is not too social and a Chinese girl who no one ever sees.
This is the point where it gets hard.  This is the point were I get scared...again.  I've been in Berlin 5 months, have nowhere to call home here, no where to call home in SF, am not sure how I am going to work at the Randall Museum this summer without a place there to call home, still have to buy a bus ticket to London to catch my flight from London Heathrow to Newark New Jersey and then buy a plane ticket from New York to San Francisco and I start working 4 or 5 days after I get to SF.  Guys, I'm terrified. But I just take a deep breath, remind myself that now that I have some level of comfort in my home environment, I can start focusing on German again and that no matter what happens to me, I have Improv on Thursday and Friday nights.

Also, I have an interview in a WG tomorrow for a place that would be permanent.  It's not in a very interesting neighborhood, but at this point, I don't care.  It's near the U6 and the U9, which can take me to somewhere else and that's good enough for me.  Also, I have a job interview on Wednesday at the Center to be a teaching artist and that is VERY exciting.  Now to put my shoes on and go find a cafe with internet.

-H.

12 February 2012

Taking risks, following my path

My living situation got worse and worse.  Thursday morning, I was told (not asked) via a note  that I needed to watch the kids that evening and I had to call them and and tell them I couldn't because I had an improv class with David Cassel
I am upset the whole day.  I come over to Robert's and tell him that I think I may split in two.  He comforts me.  I go to class and try to forget about my situation.
At this class, I remember that I am good at things, like to play, deserve respect, and most importantly, why I came to Berlin in the first place.  I'm on a path, and I should not stray from the path.  Every time I do, things go wrong.  The path.  The path is important.  Even if it is difficult,  even when there are tests, the path is important.

I left them a note asking them to please give me 24 hours notice if they wanted me in the evening because it would help me to make sure I was available.  Also, I asked them for help moving a piece of furniture out of my room because Robert has a bad flu and can't get out of bed.  I said that I was feeling out of sorts and doing my best to be accomodating and stay out of the way, that I was trying to meet their expectation but was not always sure what it was.  Ever since I went to Prague, Ebrahim and Sybille had been increasingly rude to me.  Who knows why?  I did everything they asked me, too and got their 2 year old to go to sleep!  (Do you know how hard it is to get a two year old to go to sleep? It can be really fucking difficult.)  Anyway, yesterday morning, I wake up before the alarm.  I go to the cold bathroom, pee, and brush my teeth.  I put on my clothes and go make some Turkish Coffee in the kitchen.  Ebrahim comes downstairs to his office.  "Morgen,"  I say.  "Wie geht's?"
"Gut, danke."  He says bruskly and leaves without asking me how I am.  The feeling is icy like the weather.
I schlepp myself upstairs.  Juliet lets me in. Sybille and Ebrahim are sitting there in the kitchen glaring at me.  I smile.  "Morgen," I say and make myself coffee.  I try to be cheery, wait for one of them to say something.  I see my note is still on the refrigerator but has been moved.  Sybille walks past me without eye contact or a word.  I say, "Oh, Robert is much better.  He can help me."
"Oh, good," the icy mommy mutters and leaves the room.
I sit at the kitchen table with Younis while Mom and dad get ready for work.  They come in the kitchen.  Ebrahim says, "Bye," pauses for half a second, "Younis."  Because he definitely doesn't want to talk to me.  So rude.
Now I'm just pissed.  Younis and I have a nice time in the morning.  I know it will be my last day.  Robert has told me that I can leave my things at his place while I couch surf and look for a home.  We also agree that I can stay until Wednesday, when I have a job interview at The Center
I am so excited!  My first interview for an official freelance artist position!
I am scared about the choice I have made, but I must make room for opportunity.  I must open myself up to the possibility of success, which means opening myself to the possibility of failure as well.  My living situation has begun to cause me spiritual damage.  I do not feel safe there.  I must leave.
I go to Improv that night and perform.  I am FUNNY!  After, I meet an older ex-pat from Florida.  He is part of English Theatre Berlin and encourages me to audition in April.  Okay!  He also tells me he has a couch I can crash on for a night or two.  We become Facebook friends.
Today someone from the improv group tells me they have a space I can rent from now until April 28th.  I'm also going to look at something for long-term on Tuesday.  I pack and move all of my things out today.  Lie to Ebrahim and Sybille by saying, "Sorry, I found a place."  Ebrahim has artificial understanding and Sybille is an all out bitch.  I'll go clean my room, get my remaining kitchen items and take out the trash tomorrow, maybe leave them a note detailing the ways the situation did not work for me, or maybe just a present or letter for Juliet.  I feel a little bad about the way I left, but really, I have to take care of myself because the truth of the matter is that no one else is going to.  And though my decision scares me, I know I did the right thing!

09 February 2012

Prague

Prague was cold!



A really cool tomato we found at Lidl.  Tasty, too!


It costs 5 Koruna (less then 5 cents USD) to use the toilet in the train station.  There's no TP in the stalls.  You have to take it before you go in, so you'd better estimate correctly!
The main train Station and the moon!
So, firstly, how is winter in Berlin? COLD!  How was Prague? COLD!  I walk outside and I feel as if my nose could just break right off my face.  I long for the hot, burning sun as my fingers ache inside my gloves, victim to the cruel, frigid air.  Underneath two pairs of tights and pants, an undershirt, t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt, hoodie and jacket, my body quakes and shivers, threatens to become ice.  If, like me, you are from California, you have never, EVER experienced anything like this before.  Good god, it is COLD!
But Prague.  I hadn't been to Prague since September of 2007, and I was excited to see my friend Pavla and also walk streets that were almost (but not quite) familiar.  Have you ever had the feeling that you have been somewhere before, and yet you have no idea where you are?  Not like with deja vu, because it actually IS a place you have been before.  But still, you have no idea where you are?  That was my weekend in Prague.
Pavla is awesome
Frucktus is Pavlas dog.  He was a puppy when I saw him last.  Ah, time.

Prague is beautiful in a different way than Berlin.  Berlin is a bright, painted, in your face kind of city, with murals and grafitti everywhere.  It is easy enough to find the freaks, radicals and queers.  Like a coffins in a flood, the Underground rises to the surface in Berlin.
Prague is old and stoic, lots of historical sites, castles, patinaed church steeples.  Even in the cold, Robert and I walked quite a bit, from the Church at I.P. Pavlova where in September of 2007, Pavla and I got drunk on Burchak.  Burchak is the first wine of the season, made from the first crush of grapes.  It is cloudy and white and still fermenting when you drink it.  It's only available in September and there are outdoor festivals were you can buy it.
But this time, it was cold.  No tank top, no Burchak.
Place of Buchack Festivla

We stopped in at a Restaurant and ate beef cheeks and fried cheese, then walked to the Národní Muzeum.  So strange, walking down the same path as so many years passed, now holding someone's hand.  Last time I was in Prague, I was so, so lonely. . .


Robert stands next to a small structure next to the Muzeum.  I remember a long September ago, having a small emotional breakdown in this exact spot!

Me as a statue.  Muzeum














For a girl from California, this frozen fountain thing is pretty awesome.  It would have little spurts of water come out.  The poor fountain, just trying to do it's job in the cold.


Weird ads in the Metro

National Sympathy, I mean Symphony

National Symphony

Does anyone else think it's funny that the museum of Communism is above McDonald's?

We boarded the Metro and went to Stare Mesto.  (I've spelled it wrong.) There we walked in the cold  and found a frozen fountain.  I walked on water.  I felt like Jesus.

Before walking across Charles Bridge, we stopped in at a touristy restaurant for a glass of wine.  They had this clock on the wall.  It reminded me of my late Grandma, May.  She played Baroque Music, and the recorder was her specialty.

Twilight view from Charles Bridge.

Is it Disneyland?  Nope, it's Prague!


In the evening,  I performed at a womens' "new circus" festival.  And I must tell you, I don't think my piece has ever been more awkward.  But I got through it.  There were some cool acts.  I finally saw Jana Korb on trapeze, and I tell you, she's pretty great!  Also a cool doubles pole dancing act, a fan dancer/illusionist and a Mexican acrobat/physical theater performer who used stacks of newspapers instead of a hand stand bench.  Oh yes, we also ate a strange broiled fish we think may have been a Piranha.
From left to right: Pole dancers, Jana Korb, Piranha!

TV Tower: Babies

The next day, we went out into the the frigid air to see what may just be the ugliest structure in all of Prague: the Žižkov TV Tower.  In itself, the Žižkov TV tower resembles something from the old cartoon, the Jetsons.  And then, for some reason, there are these huge, creepy babies crawling all over it.  Really.   The TV Tower is built on a Jewish Cemetery.  It seems that they tore up all the gravestones and put them into a sort of "Tombstone Museum" next to the tower.  Also, there is a preschool next to the cemetery.  Hmm.
After all this, it's really, really cold.  Robert and I wander around and finally find a pub called "ChocoMamba." We drink beer and Becherovka, make a "friend named Tomas who buys us rum and then says "Your turn."  Eventually, we tire of having him ply us for shots and go back to Pavla's.  The next day we get a ride back to Berlin, were I find my living arrangement slightly intolerably.  But maybe it will get better.  Pavla, if you read this, I love you and miss you.  I value our friendship over the yeas and I hope someday we get to work on an art project together again.
Jewish "Cemetery"

TV Tower






01 February 2012

So F*%king Cold!- Some Pictures

Neukölln 




It's -8 Cº here tonight.  Last night Robert came to meet me and my tandem speaking partner Alex at a cafe and there was ice in his hair by the time he arrived.  It is DAMN COLD!  Shit, I'm from California, and even the coldest day at the beach does not compare to the absolute, inescapable pain of this cold.  I go outside in layer upon layer, only my cheeks showing, and feel that small teeth are sinking into me.  Cold.  And this weekend I'm going somewhere even colder: Prague! 
I haven't been to Praha in four years, and Robert's never been.  We had already planned our trip, and then I got a call from Jana today asking me if I'd like to perform at this:
http://www.mlejn.cz/2-program.html
It's a Women's New Circus Festival.  Of course I said yes!
Anyway, I'm not sure if I will go out into the cold, cold night again this evening or not, but below are some pictures of exactly how cold it is.  FREEZING!

Crow on ice.  This is in the middle of the canal. Usually the spot where this bird is standing is a slow moving current of water.  But it is Febuary in Berlin, and the Canal is frozen.

Frozen canal.  Brrr!